I’m 23 years old and I’m not sure what “dating” means these days.
It might have to do with the fact that I was in a long term relationship for the past few years. It might have to do with the fact that dating means different things at different points in your life.
At one point dating meant constantly AIM messaging a “boyfriend” I was too nervous to actually hang out with in-person. Another time it was a tumultuous first love who broke my heart. Later it was a serious relationship that helped me grow, and learn that it’s ok to rely on another person. Now, dating is mostly something people ask me if I’m doing.
So how do I answer? Yes – I’m dating, as in I’m going on dates with potential for a relationship? Or maybe, yes – I’ve been seeing the same guy for a while now, and we’re dating?
I needed answers. So I went to the most scientific place I could think of: Instagram.
To my question, “What does the term ‘dating’ mean to you?” I got almost homogenous answers. Almost.
- “Dating is after you’ve found someone consistent that you want to get to know”
- “Getting to know each other with more than platonic intent”
- “Feeling a person out to see if y’all can do life together”
- “A committed, reciprocal partnership between 2 people (or more sometimes)”
- “Going steady”
- “Socializing”
- “Something we did in the 70’s, 80’s”
For the most part it seemed like dating = relationship. Now my question had to do with the time frame before a relationship is “made official”.
So my second question was, “If you’re flirting with/messaging/hanging out with/going out with multiple people what do you call it?”
- “Dating people/dating around”
- “Talking/seeing”
- “Exploring my options”
- “Playing the field”
I’m not satisfied with those answers, although thank you to everyone who tried to help me out. To me, it seems like we’re all actually a little confused here. What I can conclude is that “talking” is an awful term that we all use and rely on. It’s just such a non-statement. Talking went from the layman’s term for conversing, to some strange descriptor for when you’re “possibly romantically interested in someone but you’re not completely sure, but flirting is fun and you wouldn’t mind if they asked you out on a date, but you also don’t want to be too forward in case that comes off as pushy”.
It’s a term that frustrates me a little, if you couldn’t tell.
Since I have no real closure on my dating qualms, all I can come up with is this: 23 is a weird age for romance. Movies and books and TV shows make me think me people who are ambiguously my age and thriving are supposed to fall in love with a person they ran into once at a coffee shop. Or your best friend is actually your soulmate.
Reality is that some of my friends are engaged, married, or even having kids. Others are young professionals, still others are world travelers, and most of us are just trying to figure it out day by day.
Love and romance can come in many different forms. Don’t be afraid to ask that person out, say yes to that date, or even tell someone you’re just not that into them. As long as you’re happy, who cares what we call it, right?
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