Jim's Journal

Today is my 30th HS reunion – graduated from AHS in Columbia, MD 30 years ago spring 1983. This morning I ran 6 miles in 60 minutes – so that would likely have been about a 63 minute 10K for argument sake. 30 years ago I ran a 10K in 36 minutes.  Thats 63, 36, 10, 30 – crazy.  Time is a bitch.

The other day my friend Chris shared with me this link:  1982 MPSSAA Championships Cross Country Meet showing the men’s 3 Mile B results from that year’s 5K high school state meets at Bull Run, Hereford High School’s cross country course – “the toughest three miles in cross-country,” as John Dye, operator of national high school running Web site http://www.dyestat.com , once called it.” -(from an article in the Washington Post) – I honestly remember that course, that race and I remember coming over the finish line in 8th place at 16:31 – it was the most exhilarating feeling I had ever had in H.S. and I felt like I could have run faster! And I miss it.

As I consider what I’m made of these days, a lot less muscle, energy and hair; a lot more skin, wrinkles and “stored energy” in the form of fat; I’m in awe of, and sympathy for my kids and what they are going through.  Its a very personal thing to look back on your high school years.  I see my children and I immediately consider what I went through when they struggle, what I accomplished when they succeed, what I needed when they need.  And most of the time I’m completely wrong when I project on to them.  Two of my kids are runners and very different from me. Their motivations, their methods, their interest – all very personal and different.  All three are terrific athletes but more importantly they know how to enjoy it.  They make it their own. I didn’t always do that, so maybe I’m wrong there too.

So as I look back 30 years, I really have no idea how people saw me then – I hope it wasn’t the way I saw myself. I was running to get away. To get away from my “rep”, my parent’s divorce, my insecurities, my past. I was running into the future – to win, to pass people, to compete.  I was usually smiling when I passed the finish line but inside I was a pretty competitive runner. I don’t know if many people realize that.  That’s the point – its very personal – how you see yourself. And High School is a very pivotal time in our lives.

A few weeks ago my Mom made a very profound statement – she said – “In your head you are exactly the same age, always.” It didn’t sink in at first – but then the other day I was in the family room reading or watching TV in some deep stupor of introspection and I walked into the bathroom glanced up at the mirror and freaked out. Who the hell is that person? – that’s not what I was expecting – in my mind, at that moment I was the same person as I was 30 years ago.

I hope you weren’t expecting something profound or ridiculously enlightening here – it’s just a look back and a look in.  But, as I visit with some friends tonight from a very long time ago, I wonder who they will be looking at.